The Lucky Jerk
by ExquisitelyInked
Summary: Ryoma's in love, and the Seigaku team won't rest until they find out the identity of the lucky jerk… and in the process, Ryoma's paired with almost everyone on the Seigaku team except the real guy, who isn't even on it. Complete. Finally.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Lucky Jerk

By: AtobeLover

Summary: Ryoma's in love, and the Seigaku team won't rest until they find out the identity of the lucky jerk... and in the process, Ryoma's paired with almost everyone on the Seigaku team except the real guy, who isn't even on it.

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I do not own Prince Of Tennis. The whole thing (genius, if you ask me, for creating people like Ryoma and Tezuka and ATOBE...) belongs to Takeshi Konomi.

A/N: I'm BACK! –is thrown out of the fandom with the words "No one missed you." Limps back miserably– Hullo. Anyway, I hope this thing is funny, and you enjoy it. Please review. Pretty please!

* * *

Ryoma yawned. He scrunched his eyes shut, and tried to go back to sleep. His hand felt around for the snooze button on the alarm ('frickin'—') and pressed it. Twice, just to make sure. All the previous seven times it had rung again. Then his hand touched something furry beside him, and he reluctantly opened one eye to see Karupin licking his paw and rubbing it over the top of his (own) ear. 'Mm, Karupin...' Then he promptly went back to sleep.

Karupin blinked. He'd thought the eighth time the alarm would ring was enough to actually wake Ryoma, but apparently not. He extended a paw and knocked the alarm off its table so it crashed to the floor and broke. Ryoma jumped up like a startled cat. Like Karupin's startled twin, really.

As soon as he saw the broken clock he added two and two and was about to scream 'NO CATNIP EVER AGAIN' at Karupin, who was innocently licking his paw again, but then he saw the time on the clock before it had stopped. 9:15.

Fifteen minutes late for tennis practice. He shot out of bed, into the bathroom and grabbed the toothbrush.

Karupin interestedly watched his owner multi-task. He'd never known his owner could brush his teeth, wash his face, pull on his tennis uniform and tie his shoelaces at the same time. He'd never known _anyone_ who could, actually.

As Ryoma dashed out of the room with his tennis bag, he grabbed a pen and a notepad. He stopped only for a moment near the dining room table, to leave a small note: "Tennis. Back soon."

* * *

He was assigned thirty laps, one for each of the minutes he was late. Tezuka didn't look kindly upon those who in turn didn't look kindly upon punctuality.

Not to mention the team members of Hyotei, who were sharing their practice, were out for revenge, and wanted the brat to come play with:

'Me!'

'No, idiot, he'll play with me.'

'Ore-sama.'

'Usu...'

'Kabaji, you play singles tennis? I didn't know.'

'Usu.'

'WHAT DID YOU SAY?'

'Ore-sama commands you plebeians to shut the fuck up! The brat is playing with ORE-SAMA.'

'Ah, nice sleep... oh, Echizen? Of course he's playing with me.'

'Usu.'

'There is this astounding item called vocabulary, Kabaji. Ore-sama recommends you obtain it, instead of courteously slighting ore-sama's hair in your peasant-like one-word language because you KNOW he shall play with ore-sama.'

Anyone would have four migraines at once. Where were Coaches Sakaki and Ryuzaki when you needed them?

So Tezuka had assigned the unpunctual Ryoma Echizen thirty laps while the Hyotei members glared at the white cap bobbing in big circles (actually, rectangles) around them, and then went back to playing against whoever they'd been forced to play with.

After Echizen was done, he approached Tezuka. 'Buchou, I'm done...'

'Okay, then. Good. Go cool off. Yudan sezu ni ikou.'

'Yes, buchou...' Echizen strutted off. But as he walked away Tezuka was damn sure he heard a 'mada mada dane' thrown back at him.

He started thinking up possible punishments and made his mind up to ask Fuji for some sadistic ideas.

* * *

Atobe was wondering where Ryoma was. Could he have escaped tennis practice on the pretense of "cooling off"? No, no. He loved his dear tennis too much to betray it.

He took a break from his match, by just dropping his racket, stalking off the court, and letting the ball returned by Fuji hit the chain-link fence. He went toward the water taps. And what he saw there, immensely touched his heart (and squeezed it like an orange). Ryoma was softly snoring away on one of the benches near to the taps. His cap had fallen onto the floor, and one hand was hanging down the side of said bench.

Ryoma was woken from his sleep by a shadow over his face. He opened his eyes and saw Atobe. Strangely, Atobe was smiling… before he noticed Ryoma's state of consciousness and changed his expression to nonchalant arrogance. 'Brat. Good to see you.'

'Monkey King. I'd say the same, but I'd be lying like a con at his parole hearing.' Ryoma was inwardly disappointed with the disappearance of the smile.

'Ore-sama's illustrious name is Keigo.'

'Could be confused with King, I suppose. And you look like a monkey, so there we go.'

'Does ore-sama really?' Atobe towered over Ryoma. The vindictiveness in Atobe's eyes made Ryoma sit up hastily, but then Atobe grabbed Ryoma's shirt collar leaning down. 'Ore-sama did not appreciate the insult.'

Their faces were two inches apart. Ryoma noticed the closeness, and suddenly found the urge to whisper, 'Yeah? And what'll you do about that, _Keigo?'_

And then Atobe was kissing Ryoma. Fulfillment of a long-neglected wish. He gently tongued Ryoma's lips and was pleased when Ryoma gasped and pressed closer to him. 'Ore-sama's wanted you for quite a while now...'

Ryoma just kissed him deeper than before. 'And if you'll not want me after this I'll kill you... mada mada dane...'

* * *

Fuji was strolling leisurely toward the vending machines near to the water taps. He took out two coins, inserted them in the slot, and pressed the button which said "Lemon Soda" in blurred katakana. As the can rolled down to the dispenser, Fuji picked it up and popped the seal, bringing it to his mouth and taking a sip.

'Fuji-senpai?'

Fuji looked. It was Echizen. Whose cap was pulled down lower than normal. Was Echizen ... Fuji was slightly stunned. Echizen was ... _blushing?_

'Yes, Echizen?'

'Senpai, how d-do ... mada mada ... how do y-you know if-if—ugh, bullshit, why can't I—mada mada dane, to hell with it, senpai, how do you know if you're in love?'

Fuji didn't know which thing he'd choked at. The question asked, or the stuttering with which it had been asked.

After a short while of awkward, embarrassed silence Fuji answered. 'Well,' he began, unsure, 'you blush around them. A lot. Kind of like how you're blushing right now. Then, you can't stop thinking about them. You get jealous of people around them. You want to forever be with them. Your heart beats faster around them. You simply _know_ you're in love with them.'

He didn't miss the look of surprised recognition on Ryoma's face. 'Who are _you_ in love with, huh?' Fuji asked cheerfully. He fooled himself thinking Ryoma was really about to answer before Ryoma smirked. 'Just asking, senpai, that's all. Mada mada dane.' He walked away, leaving a very interested Fuji behind him.

* * *

Ryoma got to his room and took off his cap. _Fuck. What's wrong with me?_ He took a piece of paper and furiously scribbled down a few points.

And then tallied them with his own feelings. Blush around them. Tick. Can't stop thinking about them. Him and his stupid beautiful face and hidden smile. Tick. Jealous of people around them. He hated the giant. Tick. Want to forever be with them. He wanted to forever play tennis with him. Tick. Heart beats faster around them. Tick. Know you're in love with them...

Ryoma slowly put a tick beside that point...

...and groaned as he realized he was in love with Atobe Keigo.


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Prince of Tennis.

Please review!

* * *

All it took was one minute of murmuring into Eiji's ear and a few suspicious glances from Echizen to have the whole tennis club know that Ryoma was in love by the end of the following week. Now everyone would help Fuji find who the lucky bastard was... wanting to know his/her identity themselves.

At home, Fuji brought out his camera and started to clean it, in preparation. For stalking Ryoma, of course.

* * *

'So, is it true?'

Ryoma turned to look at Momoshiro. They were walking out of McDonald's, looking completely satisfied... while the staff inside were looking completely exhausted from making a thousand burgers.

'So is what true?' Ryoma asked, popping open a can of Ponta.

'You're in love with someone.'

Ryoma turned and threw all his Ponta at Momoshiro, who took a step back in disgust as purple syrup drenched him. 'Who told you that?'

'A little bird...' Momoshiro was NOT happy. His cleanest (and only wearable) pair of clothes was now dirtied with horrible Ponta and smelled of grapes. GRAPES, for Kami-sama's sake.

'Well, tell me the identity of that little bird so I can shoot it.' The way Ryoma said it, it sounded literal, so Momoshiro decided to ignore that comment and instead focused on the rumour that was spread around by Fuji and Eiji... believing it to be true. Well, Ryoma didn't deny it.

'So, who's she?'

Ryoma threw him a surprised glance. 'She? I'm not in love with a girl, of course. Too boring.'

'What, it's a GUY?' Momoshiro was shocked. Sakuno was a good little girl, perfect for Ryoma! Or even Tomoka, who talked a bit too much for her own good. But still, Sakuno was faultless!

Or not, apparently, since Ryoma had his sights set on a guy.

They had nearly reached Momoshiro's house. Their speed slowed.

'Well, yeah, Momo. Didn't you know I'm straight?' Ryoma answered, smirking. Momo was confused by the sentence. But then Ryoma continued, 'As straight as a circle, that is. Mada mada dane, senpai. You really make me laugh. But don't worry, it's not you.'

Momo was _not_ happy. And his mood wasn't being helped by Ryoma's smirk. Just how bad could his day go?

First he got scolded by the teacher for failing in English. Who understood it perfectly, anyway? Then Kaidoh decided to not respond to his jibes. Then Buchou gave him fifty laps for holding up practice by giving Kawamura a racket when completely unnecessary, and then making _him_ provoke Kaidoh, who got aggravated (by Kawamura! And not Momoshiro).

Then Fuji was blackmailing him with pictures of his date with Ann, threatening to show them to "Tachibana-nii-san" unless he stole Tezuka's glasses for him, like he didn't have better things to do than piss his captain off and make him half-blind...Then Ryoma went and spoiled his only pair of clothes clean enough to wear... and the cherry on the cake: now he couldn't look at his best friend without imagining pink hearts in the background. He had no experience around gay people.

'I hate my life,' Momoshiro complained.

Ryoma just rolled his eyes. 'Mada mada dane,' he said, uttering his catchphrase one more time before Momoshiro stepped inside his house and Ryoma went his own way.

And as soon as Ryoma vanished, Momoshiro grabbed his cell phone and called Inui. 'Yeah, Inui? Ryoma let it slip that it's a guy...'

* * *

'So, who is it? The grapevine says it is a male, so the question is rephrased: who is he?'

Ryoma turned to screech the answer to the idiot asking him this question, that NO, HE WASN'T IN LOVE, DAMN IT, SO NEXT TIME SOMEONE ASKED HE WAS GOING TO MURDER THEM; MADA MADA—

He cut off his mental rant abruptly, going red.

It was Atobe, with his cocksure grin and hands in his pockets. Kabaji was absent.

He sat down beside Ryoma. They were in the local park, in a secluded corner that held a small pond and benches surrounding it, currently empty, save the one Ryoma and Atobe were sitting on. 'It's no one, Monkey King.'

'Don't call ore-sama that.' Atobe raised a hand to take Ryoma's cap off him. Trying to change the subject, Ryoma asked, 'How did you know I'm here?'

'Oh, ore-sama called your dear captain. Apparently he was told by Oishi who was told by Kikumaru who was informed by Fuji that you were hiding from all of us here.' As Ryoma cast a nervous glance at his surroundings, looking for the tensai, Atobe chuckled. 'He's not here. He left quite a while ago, seeing as there were no companions with you. This was also told to me by Tezuka.'

Ryoma nodded. 'Thanks. Mada mada dane. Give me my cap back.'

'Not unless you tell ore-sama who you are in love with.'

'No one, Atobe.'

'There is someone, Ryoma.' Echizen noticed the first-name address. But he wanted to strangle whoever spread that rumour. And Momoshiro, because he wouldn't tell the name.

'Why do you want to know, anyway?'

'Because, well,' Atobe began, nonchalantly, 'Ore-sama wants to murder them for taking what was—and is—his.'

Ryoma took a step back, scared. But then his natural personality returned, and he replied arrogantly, 'Well, you'll just have to commit suicide, then, won't you?'

Atobe took a step back in surprise. His eyes widened as he figured the cryptic sentence out, and then suddenly he was crushing Ryoma to him. 'I love you. I love you so much,' he murmured, and then Ryoma was being thoroughly kissed by Atobe.

'Me too, Keigo,' Ryoma managed to gasp in between one of their heated, impassioned kisses. Atobe's hand went somewhere sensitive, and Ryoma couldn't stop himself from crying out as Atobe gently laid him on the grassy ground.

* * *

It was the end of tennis practice. The first practice Ryoma had attended in two days. Tezuka reprimanded him, gave him laps, and then let him go. He'd also been about to ask the question everyone was asking Ryoma, but then decided it was against his personality.

'Why don't you tell me who he is?' Momo persisted. 'Because I don't want to,' Ryoma replied.

'Are you ever going to tell me?'

'No.'

'Fuck you!'

'No.'

Momoshiro forced himself to strike out the hearts in the background and replace them with tennis rackets (but then gave up as the rackets turned pink). 'I'll tell everyone it's Eiji.'

Ryoma smirked. 'I don't think I want Oishi-senpai running after me with a "first-aid" murder box, sorry.'

'I'm your best friend! You can tell me!'

'I know; I can tell "Tachibana-nii-san" about you and Ann too.'

Damn. The "Tachibana-nii-san" nickname was stuck. Let's just hope the person for whom the nickname was formed wouldn't ever find out about it.

'You wouldn't tell.' Momo drew back in horror. Purple eyes becoming purple tennis balls. 'You're so similar to Fuji, I swear—'

Momo stopped, as if slapped. Somehow, miraculously, the answer had come to him. How could he have not noticed before? The gentle calls of O-chibi, the pleasured smirk on Ryoma's face whenever he looked at him...

'Earth and Ann to Momo.'

Momo looked; Ann was nowhere. He scowled at Ryoma. And then winced, and shuddered lightly as an image of Syuusuke Fuji popped into place beside Ryoma, along with the million hearts he had worked to erase from his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey... I don't own Prince Of Tennis. I'm sorry for the late chapter, it's just that the chapter I'd written down was too short and I was lengthening it when I got a writer's block. Sorry. So then I wrote the Penguin Revolution fic, calmed down, regained my "ability" and wrote this. And I'm posting it. Please review! I worked hard on this!

* * *

Ryoma woke up to a new day, and pulled on his tennis uniform. Two weeks after the big _Ryoma's in hot, sweet LOVE~ _disclosure, and he was _still_ getting asked who the lucky jerk was. He swore to himself to find the person who had spread the rumour. And then slowly, painfully drag a blade across his throat.

As he entered the tennis grounds and went into the locker room, heading for his locker, he saw a small message stuck to the interior of the locker door.

_Ryoma_

_I've told Oishi that you're in love with Eiji. Deal with it. My revenge. Even though I know who you love._

_Momo~_

Ryoma closed his eyes in aggravation. He had not been joking about the first-aid murder box. It was well known that Oishi was a murderer where Eiji's love was concerned. Anyone who loved Eiji in a romantic way died a violent death by Oishi's hands.

And Momo couldn't _possibly _know it was Atobe. Definitely not. 'Mada mada dane,' Ryoma whispered as he exited the room.

And was ambushed by Eiji. 'O-CHIBI!' he cried as a big smile spread across his face and he jumped on the unsuspecting tennis super rookie. Ryoma froze as Oishi immediately appeared and pulled him off, glaring daggers at Ryoma.

'It's not Eiji-senpai...' Ryoma said, sighing. 'I wonder how you believed Momo, Oishi-senpai... mada mada dane...'

Oishi's glances at Ryoma became considerably softer, and soon the daggers were replaced by buttered breadsticks.

'Who is it that you love, mou?' Eiji asked, pouting.

Ryoma shook his head. 'It's no one, okay? The rumour is false. I'm not in love with anyone.'

Sometimes Oishi wondered why Ryoma bothered to deny it when his cheeks obviously flushed with a pretty red colour whenever someone asked him this.

'Liar O-chibi. Tell us!'

'Mada mada dane.'

'Are you sure you don't want to tell us? We won't tell anyone...' Oishi offered. 'Yes, I'm sure I don't want to tell you. And that would be if I was in love, which I am not,' Ryoma replied, adjusting his cap and turning around to go to the courts, Court A in particular, where Momo was waiting with a smug grin on his face.

'Syuuichirou, I've got an idea.' Eiji grinned, giggling. Oishi facepalmed. Not good. _Not good._

'Yes, Eiji?'

'Let's follow O-chibi wherever he goes. Maybe we'll see who he is with!'

Without waiting for a suitable affirmation or denial, Eiji grabbed his hand, which effectively shut Oishi up and prevented any complaints, and dragged him over to the courts to practice.

* * *

Before Ryoma entered the court, Horio came up to him. 'Hey, Ryoma-kun?'

'Mm?' Ryoma muttered vaguely, eyes on his opponent who brought a bottle to his mouth and took a long drink. Horio ventured, 'Um, can you help me out with my English after practice...?'

'Yeah. McDonalds. I'm broke, so you're paying.'

'Okay, then. Going together?'

''Course.'

Horio left, and Ryoma went over to his side of the court after hissing a curse at Momo for the locker incident, who just grinned. 'You took care of it, didn't you? Then why blame me for things in the past?'

'If I died at your hand _in the frickin' past,_ would my K—would my cat blame you?'

'OH! You were about to say _koibito._ Admit it.'

Ryoma kept quiet. He had been going to say Keigo, actually... but even Nanako slipped and said her boyfriend's name sometimes... He threw the ball up for his serve.

And so the match was the sorry tale of Momoshiro Takeshi, who lost it one-six.

* * *

Eiji gasped, horrified.

'It's _Horio!_ Horio, for Kami-sama's sake, Syuuichirou, look at how they're sitting across from each other! O-chibi is _talking!_ Talking, nya, TALKING!'

Oishi tried to calm Eiji. 'He's just explaining something, Eiji. They can't be dating.'

'Nya, O-chibi wouldn't be in love with Horio, would he?'

'...'

'OH MY GOD SYUUICHIROU THEY'RE KISSING!' Eiji clamped a hand over his mouth in shock. Oishi laughed when he saw the look on Eiji's face. 'No, Eiji, they're not! They're just talking!'

Oishi didn't think so, but now Eiji knew for _sure_ that Ryoma was in love with Horio.

* * *

'So. What do you want to study?' Ryoma asked dully before flipping open Horio's textbook.

'Um, I was having a bit of difficulty with ...' Horio extended a finger to point out the topics he couldn't understand. Ryoma smirked at the easiness of said topics and commented, 'Mada mada dane.'

'What did you say?' Horio leant in closer, and from somewhere Ryoma heard a horrified shriek but ignored it in favour of taking his Ponta and popping the lid, taking a long, satisfying drink.

'I have two years of English experience, Ryoma-kun, don't insult me,' Horio began, but then Ryoma cut him off in favour of explaining those topics, moving his hand over the pages in emphatic gestures. And for a refreshing change, Horio listened instead of talked, and Ryoma talked instead of ignored.

After a while Ryoma was done explaining. 'That's it, then. I won't be explaining anymore. Half the evening's gone already, I have to go, I'm late for something.' He stood up to go, and suddenly Horio blurted out, 'Who are you in love with?'

Ryoma blinked and waved the question away with a slightly sharp 'Mada mada dane, Horio.'

Horio sighed. At least his English doubts were cleared. And then he started wondering whether Ryoma had agreed to this thing only to get away from all the questions from the regulars and everyone else about his love life, because there was no way Ryoma Echizen would be so helpful...

Damn.

* * *

Eiji asked all the regulars save Ryoma to come to a secret meeting on Sunday. Not many could turn up bar Eiji himself, Fuji, Kaidoh and Kawamura. Unfortunately, Oishi couldn't come.

As Eiji told them all about what he'd seen, their jaws dropped. Figuratively. They were all wide-eyed by the time Eiji launched into an enthusiastic (and highly exaggerated) retelling of how Ryoma and Horio were practically kissing over the table while Ryoma's hand was holding Horio's on Horio's textbook.

If Oishi had been there, he could have provided a rational recounting.

In reality, their faces hadn't come closer than ten inches. Horio's hand was nowhere near Ryoma's. Eiji was only seeing what he wanted to see instead of the real thing, and Oishi would've said this and saved poor Horio from being the subject of the regulars' discussion, but he was absent so he couldn't.

* * *

'Monkey King. Sorry I'm late.' Ryoma shut the door behind him in Atobe's bedroom.

'Shut up, brat. Ore-sama has been waiting for the past hour!'

'So what? I was helping someone.'

Atobe almost died laughing at the petulant look on his lover's face. 'You were _helping _someone? YOU?'

'Yes, Monkey King, sometimes even I experience severe personality changes and a stupid urge to help people. Mada mada dane.'

Atobe drew him in for a sweet kiss. 'I love you.'

'Yeah. I know. Mada mada dane.'

'Stop using those irritating words! Ore-sama commands you!'

'Mada mada—'

As Atobe leant in for another kiss, Ryoma ran his fingers through Atobe's impossibly soft hair and sighed. 'I love you too, Keigo.'

And he spent the night there.

Next morning when Ryoma woke up he was entangled with Atobe, much to his pleasure. He leaned in to kiss him. Atobe's eyes fluttered open and he kissed back. 'You know, ore-sama's still very angry at you.'

'What did I do now? I thought I made up for the lateness, didn't I?'

'Well, yes, but ore-sama's angry because nowadays ore-sama can't concentrate on anything but you. And ore-sama used to be so amazing in everything: tennis, academics, looks...'

'You narcissistic bastard,' Ryoma said, wrapping his arms around Atobe and pulling him in for another kiss.

* * *

**Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow, this chapter turned out longer than I thought. Please review, anyway. **

**I think I've crossed Royal, Thrill, crack pair (HorioRyo, and yes, I know they obviously can't be together, LOL, that's why it's CRACK), Eiji/Ryo, ****and ****Golden in this story. More to come in this second to last chapter. Two more pairs, and a one-sided crush. Anyway. Review! Because I wanted to include as many pairs in one story as I could logically (that is, without going mad) and so I had to put in Horio. Poor boy.**

**Well. I hope you find this funny. :)**

* * *

Oishi's head snapped to the entrance of the tennis grounds. His eyes widened, and not unlike usual, Oishi was positively worried.

Ryoma was walking in... oh, no. Ryoma was _limping _in.

'Echizen-kun!' Oishi hurried over to him. Ryoma looked up at him with a blank stare. 'Yes, senpai?'

It seemed Ryoma had taken a bad fall and that's why he was limping horribly. 'Do you need an icebag for your ankle? You must have sprained it, I suppose.'

'What?' Ryoma frowned. 'Icebag?'

'Yes, Echizen-kun, icebag. For your ankle,' Oishi prompted.

Ryoma blinked, and then choked as he understood.

'ECHIZEN-KUN!' Oishi exclaimed, eyes widening in shock. What was happening to him? Why was he choking?

Ryoma swallowed a laugh before he said, 'No, senpai, it's fine. See? My ankle's perfect.' To prove that, he wiggled his ankle once, and then wiggled the other ankle. Oishi breathed a sigh of relief. 'But then... why are you limping?'

Ryoma simply muttered, 'Mada mada dane, senpai.' And then made his way over to Tezuka to say something. Tezuka's head tilted toward the shorter of the two of them as they conversed.

As Oishi watched Echizen during the whole of practice, he noted how frequently Ryoma walked over to casually talk to Tezuka. Oishi's breath began coming faster. Could it be...?

NO! Oishi shook his head, chiding himself. He was merely jumping to conclusions like Eiji. Although Oishi's deduction was much more logical than Eiji's. _Horio._ HORIO, of all the people in the world.

Once again, Ryoma strolled over to Tezuka. Normally Tezuka would chide people who abandoned tennis practice just for the sake of conversation, but this time, he didn't even seem fazed.

Oishi had to admit it. They _did_ seem pretty familiar with each other with the way they were subtly moving around. Tezuka said something. Ryoma smiled and laughed. Oishi's brain froze. Tezuka said something again. Ryoma smiled even more and laughed even harder.

_Oh, Kami-sama._ Oishi's heart stopped beating. Ryoma and... Tezuka?

Then Oishi's vision went purple as he saw Inui join them. He was holding something in his hands, and a bit after he got close to them, Ryoma and Tezuka shifted closer to him.

Oishi clapped a hand to his chest, just above his heart. He had to sit down, and grabbed a napkin and a water bottle, emptying it over his head.

Of course it was never _one_ person. Ryoma was always going _I don't have a boyfriend._ The article 'a' indicated only _one._

Ryoma was in love with Tezuka _AND_ Inui! Of course! TWO boyfriends! Not ONE!

He was in a threesome with them! Tezuka, Echizen, Inui! Kunimitsu, Ryoma, Sadaharu! KuniRyoHaru!

With that last, disturbing thought, Oishi ran for the bathroom, feeling distinctly nauseous.

* * *

'Hello, buchou.'

'Echizen. Don't you have a match with Kikumaru right now?'

'Yes, but he's talking to Fuji-senpai. I didn't feel like interrupting,' Ryoma smiled and snorted as Tezuka forced himself to not shout at Kikumaru. He felt eyes on him but didn't turn around to see who. 'And call me by my first name.'

'Yes, but then your dear darling boyfriend would be jealous.' Ryoma burst into laughter with that. Dear darling boyfriend...? Keigo Atobe, Ryoma's _dear darling boyfriend._ He had to tell this to him soon. This was priceless.

'Be quiet, Echizen. Or do you want laps?' But Tezuka had a hint of a smile on his face. Actions speak louder than words. Ryoma loved his boyfriend but also made fun of him. Now who were the guys Ryoma poked fun at? Tezuka pondered whether to use reverse psychology as his next tactic to find Ryoma's boyfriend's identity.

'Hello, gentlemen.' Tezuka looked at the speaker to see Inui. And then his eyes went to Inui's hands, which were holding a glass of liquid that was black in colour.

Oh, fuck.

'What is it?' Ryoma asked blandly. Inwardly he was frantically searching for a way out of this forced suicide.

'Well, I was wondering if you'd like to taste my Precision Powering Super Elixir Part Deux—'

Tezuka and Ryoma shifted just a bit closer to Inui to observe the black gunk in the glass.

And Ryoma straightened up and hastily said, 'Eiji-senpai and Fuji-senpai are talking, but Momo's free. I need to brush up on my tennis skills. Mada mada dane. See you.' And he fled toward the purple-eyed tennis player.

Tezuka vowed to give Ryoma thirty laps for abandoning him in his hour of need.

'Hey, hey, looks like it's actually Momoshiro and Echizen who are the lovebirds... ii data,' Inui commented, watching the two, putting his drink away (Tezuka's peripheral vision noted that, and he silently thanked Kami-sama).

Momoshiro was obviously teasing Ryoma about something, and Ryoma was mocking him in return, but there was a soft smile on his face and he seemed happy.

Tezuka gave a small sound of agreement. He'd thought it was Ryoma and Kaidoh because they always avoided each other's eyes but even then exchanged glances often; but he was wrong, he supposed.

* * *

'Wow, Ryoma, you're limping. You fell down during laps or something? I didn't know you were that bad in tennis that a ball must've hit you someplace which made you limp.'

Ryoma's mind flashed back to the cause of his limping: Atobe. He smiled happily when Atobe's face showed up in his mind. 'I'm not as bad as you, though, Momo.'

And they teased each other some more.

* * *

'I love you, dear.' Keigo ran a hand through Ryoma's hair gently as they slowly kissed.

With the last word Ryoma recollected Tezuka's comment. He pulled away and pushed Keigo onto the bed. 'Buchou called you my dear, darling boyfriend, Keigo,' he said, smirking. Atobe didn't laugh. 'What's so wrong in that?'

'In what?'

'I _am _your dear, darling boyfriend, aren't I?'

'Well, boyfriend, yeah, but not dear, neither darling.'

'Oh!' Keigo gasped, exasperated. He pulled Ryoma down beside him. 'I love you. Okay? Ore-sama _is _your dear, darling koi. And Tezuka _knows_ about ore-tachi?'

'No, not really. Kiss me.'

Atobe complied. 'And will you tell them?'

'No, not really. Kiss me again.'

This time Atobe didn't, pulling Ryoma to him, as close as possible. 'I love you, darling.'

'Since when did you start with all the names for me?'

'Since ore-sama fell in love with you, brat.'

'Shut up! Mada mada dane.' But Ryoma was blushing with pleasure at those words of address, so Atobe decided to continue with the "names".

* * *

'Listen up, people,' Eiji called out. The entire Seigaku team sans Echizen was huddled in the locker room. This time when Eiji called them for the Sunday meeting, they listened.

'Listening, damn it. Just tell us what you gotta say, fshuuu...'

'Okay. It's been five weeks since we found out our baby was in love, mou.'

'BABY? Oh, Echizen would _murder _you if he knew,' Momo said, laughing hard.

'Shut up, peach,' Kaidoh hissed. Momo threw a heated glance at him (Kaidoh inwardly blushed) and then went back to Eiji.

'I'm sure we all have an idea of who our baby is in love with, nya?'

There was a general murmur of agreement amongst the team members, except Tezuka, who was sitting with the back row with his arms crossed. Eiji grinned and held out a box of paper slips. 'Well, write it down, along with your name on the top right corner. And I suppose the person whose name comes out in majority will tell us if he's really with Ryoma or not.'

'Why is this necessary?' Kawamura asked earnestly.

Oishi answered for Eiji. 'Because this is Eiji's way of killing his and everyone else's time on Sundays.'

'So. Let's begin!'

* * *

Eiji collected the slips after everyone was done writing. Tezuka was supposed to read out the names. Eiji had Inui's notebook, on whose back he'd written down all the names of the team except Ryoma. For every guess he'd tick beside the name, and as the phrase goes, _majority wins._

Tezuka cleared his throat, disbelieving he'd thrown away a Sunday to come to this, and picked up the first paper slip. 'Oishi thinks it's—' he halted in shock.

He crumpled up the chit to throw it away. There was a roar of outrage from Momo, Eiji and Kaidoh, who lunged for the chit, stole it from their captain and smoothed it out, huddling to read the neat kanji.

They burst into torrents of laughter.

Tezuka fixed a stony glare on Oishi, who blushed.

'Who is it?' Fuji asked good-naturedly.

'Threesome. Buchou, Echizen, Inui,' choked out Momo, gasping with laughter. Pretty soon everyone was laughing, except Tezuka and Oishi and Inui, who was furiously scribbling something in the notebook he'd wringed back from Eiji, who anyway snatched it away to tick beside Inui's and Buchou's names.

Tezuka reached for another chit, and the room quietened.

'Momoshiro thinks it's Fuji.'

Fuji glanced at Momo, who froze as he saw the blue eyes. 'He's just as sadistic as you! Cut me some slack, get off my back.'

Fuji's glance didn't waver as Tezuka read out the next chit. 'Kaidoh thinks... erm, Horio.'

The room burst into laughter again, but Eiji protested. 'I saw them kissing at McDonald's that day! Tell them, Oishi. Just tell them.'

Oishi didn't, too busy laughing.

'Kawamura also thinks it's Horio,' Tezuka said, definitely smiling now. Who'd have thought?

'Inui thinks it's Momoshiro.'

This time, the laughter was only half-hearted. They knew how close Ryoma and Momoshiro were. Best friends. It was sometimes easy to step over the line. But Momoshiro stepped up and said, 'My girlfriend's An Tachibana! Take that!'

'WE'LL TELL TACHIBANA-NII-SAN!' The room chorused, and Momoshiro sat down, disgruntled. Kaidoh looked away, not saying anything.

'The next chit is mine. I also think it's Momoshiro, but I suppose his confession negates that.'

'Fuji thinks,' Tezuka began, reaching for the other chit, the last one, and continued, 'Fuji and Eiji both think it's Horio.'

Loud laughter sounded through the room again.

Eiji announced, 'So. The results are, Fujiko: one, Buchou: one, Inui: one, Momo: two, and Horio: four. Horio wins. We'll ask him tomorrow, okay? Then we'll see if they're really dating or not.'

The door banged open, and they all turned. Who was it?

'What the _fuck_ is going on?' Ryoma breathed furiously.

* * *

**YES! THIS CHAPTER IS COMPLETE! NOW, ONE MORE TO GO.**

**List of the pairs in this story: (vague references included, including one-liners and stuff)**

Royal,

Thrill,

Pillar (what Oishi first thought before Inui came over to them)

Crack pair (Horio)

MomoRyo

KaidohRyo (Tezuka's thoughts)

Threesome crack (KuniRyoHaru... I was laughing like hell over that. Sniff. I laugh at myself.)

One-sided MomoKai

An/Momo

Nanako/someone

Eiji/Ryo

Golden...

**Tell me if there's more. I don't really know. And please review if you liked this!**

**Ato.**


	5. Chapter 5

Title: The Lucky Jerk

By: AtobeLover

Summary: Ryoma's in love, and the Seigaku team won't rest until they find out the identity of the lucky jerk… and in the process, Ryoma's paired with almost everyone on the Seigaku team except the real guy, who isn't even on it.

Rated: T

Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis.

A/N: This story is complete. And because of stupid Error Type 2 (which sounds like computerized diabetes, anyway) I might not be able to edit the properties and click on the Complete option instead of the In-Progress one. COMPLETE! So I shouldn't get "Please update soon" comments after I post this. Thanks. xD Sorry if I come off as rude, it's just how I am, even though I don't mean a single word of it. Mwaah.

* * *

**OKAY. THE LAST CHAPTER OF THE LUCKY JERK, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS CRAP. AND PLEASE REVIEW. SHORT EPILOGUE AT THE END! xD.**

**There have been so many pairs in this story, like... honestly. Feeble attempt at it, though.**

**Thanks so much for reading. It meant a lot to see those reviews, and I'd do anything if you'd review again. Just let me know what you think about this, and stuff.**

* * *

Everyone froze with a look of terror on their face. What was Ryoma doing here? Who the fuck told Ryoma that the regulars were meeting here today? Some people glanced at Momoshiro and gave him the evil-eye.

'No, seriously.' Ryoma stepped in and closed the door behind him with an air of finality. The others gulped. 'Who the fuck organized this? Trying to find my boyfriend, are you?'

No one answered. The aura of murder that Ryoma was radiating was keeping their mouths shut.

'Well, I suppose that _yes;_ you wanted to know who my boyfriend is.' Ryoma straightened his cap. 'Well, guess what, I will not be telling you. Fuck off. Mada mada dane. Serves you right for poking your noses into my business.'

Then he noticed the notebook in Eiji's hands. 'Gimme that.'

Eiji meekly handed it over.

'Okay, list of probable boyfriends...' Ryoma muttered, flipping through the notebook. 'This is Inui-senpai's notebook, right? OH.' He had come to the last page.

'What the fuck? I'm supposed to be with ... Fuji-senpai, my best friend, in a _threesome_ with Buchou and... Inui-senpai? And—' he faltered. 'Who thought it was Horio?'

'Eiji did,' Momo supplied helpfully.

Ryoma glared at Eiji, who shrank back and hugged Oishi tightly. When Ryoma looked away, Eiji once again shot Momo the evil-eye, sticking his tongue out for good effect.

'Okay. I'm keeping this with me. I'm talking to Horio tomorrow, just you see. I'm not telling you...' Ryoma smiled a sadistic smile worthy of Fuji...

...and turned and left without a backward glance, leaving the regulars _dying_ to know who had taken their resident brat for themselves.

* * *

'Let me go over and clear this up! You're MINE!' Atobe practically yelled.

'They even had me in a threesome,' Ryoma smirked, enjoying the way he was winding Atobe up. He leisurely leaned back on Atobe's bed while the owner of said bed was walking around in a blazing fury.

Atobe was virtually growling. 'The only threesome you'll be in is with ore-sama and his reflection,' he said. 'Tell them you're MINE!'

Ryoma quite liked this jealous and possessive side of Atobe.

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'I won't tell them, of course!'

'Why not?'

'I've had a strange wish to become a sadist.'

Atobe raised an eyebrow. Ryoma said, 'Forget it. I've got an idea. Nothing to concern you with.'

Atobe let it go. Kissing Ryoma was much better than getting jealous over him.

He got into the bed next to Ryoma. Gave him a soft kiss first, and then said, 'I love you, okay?'

'Yeah, Monkey King.'

* * *

_Who gave him those hickeys?_

Momo couldn't stop staring at those marks on Ryoma's neck, shoulder, stomach and thigh. Neither could Eiji. Staring at him in horror, they looked at each other once. They HAD to know who it was. Pride gone to hell, they were stalking him now.

Practice went by as usual.

Until Horio entered and Ryoma saw. He took the small book out from his pocket and approached him. 'Hey, Horio.'

Horio looked up. 'Echizen-kun. Tennis tips? I have two years—'

'Are you my boyfriend?' Ryoma asked loudly.

The whole tennis club went silent. Eiji was gawking at them.

Horio looked stunned. 'NO WAY IN HELL! I AM NOT YOUR—'

They heard a scream from somewhere. And Horio turned around to see a furious Tomoka stalking over to them.

'I HATE YOU! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME, BUT YOU'RE GAY FOR RYOMA! I AGREE HE'S ABSOLUTELY DELECTABLE, BUT STILL!' Tomoka shrieked at Horio. Ryoma looked on, amused, albeit a bit disturbed about the "delectable" comment.

'No, Tomoka, it's a misunderstanding, I love you, you're the one for me, who cares if he's delectable... I want to have two years... or more with you, Tomo... TOMOKA!' As Tomoka walked away with her head in the air and a bemused Sakuno beside her, Horio turned to Ryoma. 'Echizen-kun! Help me out, please!'

Ryoma shrugged. 'I'll see what I can do.' As Horio ran after Tomoka, Ryoma turned and left, throwing the book back to Inui, who caught it and opened it to start writing something. The notebook had been of no use. Only four words had sparked the reaction which proved that no, Ryoma wasn't with Horio.

He went over to Eiji. 'Okay, senpai? He's not my boyfriend.'

'O-CHIBI!' Eiji wailed, glomping Ryoma. 'Tell me, mou, who your koi is!'

'Nope. Mada mada dane,' Ryoma said, smirking. Tezuka tapped Eiji on the shoulder. 'Stop crying, Kikumaru.'

'Yes, Buchou.' Eiji sniffed and got off Ryoma. 'And Echizen, twenty laps for disrupting practice.'

Echizen started running with a wide smirk on his face.

* * *

The next day went by normally. School ended. Hyotei had come over for practice, and Tezuka was talking to Atobe, who had a sly grin on his face for some reason Tezuka couldn't figure out.

'I shall be playing Echizen, of course.'

'Fine, Atobe.' The addressee signaled Shishido to go over to Kikumaru, and took his place in front of Ryoma. 'Brat.'

'Monkey King,' Ryoma said with a hidden smile that Atobe perceived too easily. He smiled back.

Atobe served.

And their match began.

The intensity of the match made everyone pause in their respective matches... and drew them to this game like moths to a flame. Awed by the passion with which they played, the others just gathered around... and watched, dumbstruck by the level of skill.

It ended with Atobe the winner, seven games to five.

He sank to his knees, dead tired. The match had drawn out longer than he'd expected, and Ryoma had played much better than he'd expected. He tried to get up, but as he looked up, all senses left him. Ryoma was slowly walking toward him, and something about the way he sauntered toward him was making Atobe's muscles go numb.

'Hey, Atobe.' Ryoma raised a hand and took his cap off, dropping it beside him. Ryoma's shadow covered Atobe as he mutely gazed upwards. Ryoma smiled his smile; the smile meant for _only _Atobe that left him dazed sometimes.

'Good match,' Ryoma said.

Atobe nodded. 'You are no match for ore-sama, after all.'

'Mada mada dane,' Ryoma smirked, and then swooped down to kiss him.

* * *

Tezuka was observing the match like everyone else. Ryoma had tired Atobe, but had lost; something he hadn't expected. But then Ryoma went over to Atobe and they exchanged a few casual words and then...

Tezuka took off his glasses and wiped them with the corner of his T-shirt. He put them on again.

Okay, they were still kissing. So Tezuka wasn't hallucinating, and the screams and cries and gasps of shock he was hearing around him weren't a fabrication of his imagination after all.

'Are you going to break them up?' Fuji mumbled from beside him.

Tezuka was quiet. 'Should I?'

'No, not really.' Fuji took out his digital camera, and switched it on.

And Tezuka went inside the courts.

* * *

'It was ATOBE all along?' Momoshiro complained. 'And here we were, thinking it was someone amongst us...'

'Mada mada dane,' Ryoma said, and took a sip of his Ponta.

They were in Kawamura's dad's sushi place, and celebrating the win over Hyotei in their practice matches. Also celebrating the fact that they finally found Ryoma's secret koi. They managed to find reasons to celebrate all the time... even ridiculous reasons.

'I mean, come on, I'm better than him,' Momo criticized. Ryoma raised an eyebrow. He'd been acquiring Atobe's habits nowadays. 'Are you implying something, Momo?' He smirked.

Momo replayed what he'd said, and blushed violently. 'NO WAY! I told you before, An's my girlfriend!'

Kaidoh hissed from beside him.

Momo poked him. 'Mamushi, can I have your inarizushi?'

Mamush—_Kaidoh_ silently handed it over. Momo looked at him, surprised. 'Is something wrong with you?'

'Shut up, peach. Fshuuuu…'

'Okay, he's all right.' Momo started eating.

Kaidoh shook his head in exasperation. Love was stupid.

Ryoma said, 'At least you guys won't be bugging me anymore.'

And then everything was back to normal for them. Well, as normal as it could be with a brat's narcissist boyfriend "dazzling" them with his presence every day, and other stuff.

* * *

_Epilogue_

Ryoma kissed Atobe slowly. Atobe kissed back, running a hand through Ryoma's ebony hair. The tennis magazine clutched in Ryoma's hand, made weird sounds as Ryoma moved away to say a few words of love:

'Look, Monkey King. Fuck off our practice, okay? The tournaments are coming closer, and you KNOW we're practicing harder, and now you're dropping in to fuck with our heads.'

'Ore-sama comes for _you_. And not to—as you put it so eloquently, _fuck with your heads_. Ore-sama does not appreciate mind tricks, much less use them on someone else.'

'Mada mada dane.' Ryoma touched Atobe's hand to hold it.

'Shut up, brat.' Atobe tightened his grip around Ryoma's hand.

'I won't, Monkey King.' Ryoma entwined his fingers with Atobe's.

'SHUT UP.' Atobe's thumb caressed the back of Ryoma's hand.

'I said I won't.' Ryoma turned and kissed the side of Atobe's neck.

'Fine. Don't. It's better if you don't shut up. Just, whatever you do, DON'T SHUT UP.' Atobe kissed the side of Ryoma's neck in return.

'Okay, fine, shutting up, jeez.' Ryoma frowned and went back to perusing his tennis magazine on top of Atobe's bed, and Atobe smirked. So much for not using psychological tricks.

* * *

**WOW. This story is OVER. Can't believe it. Whatever. This story is complete, no matter what the site says. I mean, you all know about Error Type Two now, right? Using workarounds to post and all...**

**Please review! I'd love to know what you thought of this attempt at competent writing.**

**AtobeLover**


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